If you’re searching for an unknown…

As I’ve been working with friends and clients to find lost family members. Whether put up for adoption or adopted themselves. Whether you are a child of a brief relationship. Or the parent of a child of a brief relationship. Whatever the circumstances that have led you to search for someone. I have some advice, if you want to be found.

  1. Get on Social Media. Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram. All of them. Post information about you, and your vital stats (you don’t even have to be exact and should still protect you PII.) If you are a parent who is searching, include that in your profile. For example, if you have a child up for adoption, you might put, “I lived in X county in 19??, and am searching for a baby girl/boy who was born mm/dd/yyyy.” Put as much information as you can: your information (birth year, birthplace, heritage information, parents’ surnames and residences, grandparents’ surnames and residences.) Consider including a link to your family tree that you’ve posted online.
  2. If you are a man looking for a child that you suspect was adopted without your knowledge. You should follow #1, and include all of that information as well. Also, consider listing your residence at the time of the physical relationship or pregnancy. Generally, parents still have to be in the same place and the same time to make a baby.
  3. Return to the adoption agency and request information. Leave word there, that you will welcome contact from any inquiries. Leave several means of contact: address, phone, email and next of kin contacts. Keep this up to date.
  4. Take a DNA test. This is sometimes a searchers only option. Leave contact information in your profile. Create a tree on the site, with as many generations back from you as you can. At least to your grandparents.
  5. If you were born in the U.S. to American parents start at Ancestry. It has the largest database of U.S. testers.
  6. If you are European, a recent immigrant or the child of recent immigrants, start at FamilyTreeDNA or My Heritage. Both of these sites seem to have more international testers.
  7. Then Upload that DNA test to Gedmatch and FamilyTreeDNA. Gedmatch is free, but FamilyTree will cost you a few more bucks.
  8. Use those DNA test results! Ignore the admixture/ethnicity results. Really! Go straight to the share ancestor matches. Start with the closest family members. Check out DNAAdoption.com and follow their process. It works.

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